Perspicacity

On This Date in 2002 (A Mama Kat Writing Prompt)

2012-02-12T22:20:00.000-05:00

This week, random.org "chose" Mama Kat prompt number two for me: Start with the phrase “Ten years ago on this day, I was…” (inspired by Business 2 Blogger). (Note - I used the date of February 6.)

Ten years ago on this day, I was scheduled to play bunco:

First, it strikes me that my calendar system worked so differently (so many more layers) then than it does now.

There was the physical Daytimer, which I could open to see the (handwritten) month at a glance.

Or the daily page where I could write details of the day as they unfolded:

Or the detailed "addendum" that listed all the spillover from my electronic calendar (that's how I knew (importantly) that I had bunco that night):

And I should add that I did this for a long time, until we had Blackberries and Outlook at my office and I stopped printing out any type of hard copy calendar. The proof is in the binders:

Two observations come out of this exercise:

1) I think I organized myself better when I had more interplay between electronic and paper. I don't have all these sheets of paper now. I am a "paper" girl at heart, even though I have learned to embrace electronics.

2) I miss bunco. The thing I miss most is the camaraderie -- seeing the same 11 women at least once a month, keeping up with each other's lives, enjoying good food and wine -- and not worrying about our day-to-day issues. (Our group ended up disintegrating and I have not found another group, but I do get to sub at other groups occasionally.)

Other thoughts about this time in my life: a) I still needed a babysitter because the kids were 5 and 2. Now I can leave them home alone. I miss Char, the awesome babysitter, but not the need (or cost) of having a sitter; b) I was still getting my acrylics filled in every two weeks (that luxury has been victim to the family budget downsizing). It was fun to have great nails at bunco and to talk about the colors (one favorite was "I'm not really a waitress" red); c) We still had a maid, also an expense that has since been cut, and something I miss the most; d) the haircut I got on that date was undoubtedly scheduled so that I would have good hair for bunco (and I still go to the same stylist now!); e) I am still working at the same place (and I have some hard thinking to do about what to do with the next 10 years, professionally).

Wonder what I'll write on February 6, 2022.

Wordless Wednesday (Winter Playground Edition)

2012-02-07T23:29:00.000-05:00

Finally! My Wordless Wednesdays have structure again thanks to the Poetic Winter Photography Challenge. This week's theme is solitude.

Somewhere, a little boy or little girl is snuggled into a warm home, knowing that the playthings of spring are looking forward to their return:

A bunch at a time:

In twos.....

Or alone.....

These pictures were taken in Bainbridge, Georgia, at the Earl May Boat Basin and Cheney Griffin Park.

The Poetic Winter Photo Challenge is sponsored by Kristi of Live and Love Out Loud, Faith of Sweet Violet, Rebecca of Bumbles and Light, and Alicia of Project Alicia. Next week's theme is "warmth" - the linky will be up on Friday, February 10 and you can find it at any of these sponsors' sites! Join us!

Run for the Cookies (And For Sherry) on February 11

2012-02-05T23:08:00.000-05:00

On Saturday, February 11, Wayne Kevin and I will be running in the annual "Run for the Cookies" 5k (me) and 1 mile (him). In addition to our official "cookies" race bibs, we will also be wearing this bib on our shirts:

Sherry Arnold was a runner from Sidney, Montana, who was abducted early on the morning of January 7, 2012, and murdered. Two men are in custody, for this crime (her body has not been recovered). For more facts about the case, visit this link:

This case has resonated with me for so many reasons, including the fact that Sherry was a mom, wife, and runner. I can't change the outcome but I can do my part as a member of the running community to tangibly show my support.

Sherry's cousin, Beth, of Shut Up + Run, has created a virtual run as a way to show Sherry's family the support of runners (and anyone willing to move) from all over the world. The plan is to do this on February 11. And it's simple: run, walk, crawl, row, bike .... whatever ..... a 5K (3.1 miles) while wearing Sherry's bib. Here is Beth's original post explaining this event.

This is simply a support/awareness run. However, there is a way to donate toward a fund for Sherry's children here via the "donate" button.

If you participate in the virtual run, Beth is encouraging you to submit pictures that she can share with Sherry's family (see a few of the early birds here). If you choose to do your own post about this (great idea, dontcha think??!!), please send the link to Beth so she can share it with the family also. Her email address is beth@shutupandrun.net.

To recap the instructions for participating in the virtual run on February 11:

Print out the bib:

A pdf is available here: http://www.races2remember.com/images/previews/Sherry.pdf

Then:

Mark your calendars
Print out a running bib and pin it to your shirt
Gather your friends, your running club members, your families
If it’s wet where you are, “laminate” your bib with postage tape and punch holes in it
If that time doesn’t work, go when you can (the official time for the run is 9 a.m. M.S.T.)
GO. Run as far and as long as you want. Walk, hike, cycle, rollerblade if you don’t want to or can’t run.
Please share this on your blogs, Facebooks and Twitters
Keep it simple. Just run with Sherry on your minds and hearts.
You can also connect with this event on Facebook

Let's show Sherry's husband, Gary, and Children Holly and Jason that they are not alone.

(Runners at the Sidney (Sherry's hometown) event will release helium

balloons that have notes to Sherry attached during their February 11 activities.)

Now "Board"ing (A Mama Kat Writing Prompt)

2012-02-02T07:27:00.001-05:00

Usually, I let random.org "choose" a Mama Kat prompt for me. This week, I am choosing the Pinterest-themed prompt because a) it's easy and b) it's the one I want to do! Here's the prompt: Are you on Pinterest? Share the last five items you pinned, choose one and let it inspire a blog post.

These are the last five items I had pinned as of the time the prompt was published:

These penguin appetizers:

These delicious-looking cupcakes:

These red whoopie pies:

These yoga gingerbread cookies:

(don't try to click to enlarge though!)

And this dollar tree:

And here I must diverge from Kat's original instructions....instead of choosing one of those pins and using it to inspire me to do a blog post, I just must focus on what my boards say about me. You get default boards when you start Pinterest, and then you can create your own (boards are "themes" where you can put pins that relate to each other).

My "Products I Love" board has three random pins. My "Favorite Spaces and Places" board has one pin. My "Books Worth Reading" board has one pin. My "My Style Pinboard" has two random pins. My "For the Home" board has zero pins. My "Stuff to Make When I Have Time - i.e. 2025" has nine pins (one of which I have actually MADE!!). My "Miscellaneous" board has two random pins. My "Images From My Life!" board has eight pins. My "Recipes" board has 17 pins, none of which I have made but gosh the cake batter adult drink is practically calling my name. My "Food Art" board has three pins (two of which I made a long time ago). My "Smarties Creations" Board has three pins (two of which I made).

My boards are disorganized and hard to follow. I think the main conclusion I draw is that a) despite the fact that it is a huge breath of fresh air to walk into a clean, well-decorated home, that's just not where my attention goes; b) if it's something I may be able to make and blog about someday, it gets pinned; c) I like to make stuff .... or dream about making stuff.

Maybe I'll make myself a cake batter adult drink and try to "pin something down" that brings logic to my boards.

In the meantime, I can't close this post without sharing Kat's brilliant Pinterest guide:

A link to the Mama Kat's Losin' It Pinterest Guide can be found here.

Wordless Wednesday (Love With Each Stitch Edition)

2012-02-01T00:01:00.000-05:00

Within days of being told that my friends' twins had been born very early, with one weighing just under 3 pounds and the other just over, my church's St. Clare guild had created caps and booties for each child, and they had been blessed by the priest.

It doesn't matter that the members of the guild do not know the parents of these babies.

It matters that the babies are among the newest (and tiniest) of God's children, and they need to know from the start that the world will reach out to them with love and prayer.

Let the children come to me.....For the Kingdom of God belongs to those who are like these children. ~ Mark 10:14 from NLT

Plan (Way) Ahead for Your Club's Christmas Reading

2012-01-29T22:41:00.000-05:00

It seems that every book club I have belonged to has struggled with "the perfect Christmas read." As the conversation begins about the choice, comments range from, "it's always so busy during the holidays; let's pick something easy!" to "should we even meet? It's so busy" to "I thought [insert name of book here] was great but it was too 'fluffy.'"

It also seems that somehow the Christmas books my clubs eventually choose always end up with something textile-related (quilting and hand-knitted sweaters, for example).

I received an Advanced Reading Copy of A Plain and Fancy Christmas from Ballantine Books at the beginning of December. It does still involve textiles (yes, quilting) but manages to straddle the line between "holiday fluff" and "rest-of-the-year gravity."

A Plain and Fancy Christmas has several strengths going for it. Although I struggled a bit with the initial premise (a baby switch that occurred decades ago), the believable nature of the characters and their general likability pulled me through. There is also a New York City component and anyone who knows me knows that will rivet me!

The questions asked by Ellie Lawrence and Rachel King as the book spirals through their lives in Manhattan (Ellie) and the Pennsylvania Amish Country (Rachel) are hard ones, asked against a backdrop of knowing those questions affect people around them in ripples of impact. Rachel's daughter, Katie, stands on the precipice of a fast-paced world she would not have known otherwise, surrounded by people who probably have never known an 11 year old who does not watch TV. Ellie's one-dimensional boss and boyfriend each have their shallowness exposed as Ellie discovers that simplicity is not that simple, "professional" may mean taking a restaurant order correctly as opposed to designing a high-profile PR campaign, and the people in our lives may not have our best interests at heart to the degree we think.

This book is sort of like the best Christmas presents -- there is solid evidence for why a particular gift is needed and will be valued, but the anticipation builds so slowly and there is sufficient doubt that the gift will materialize, that it is an even more appreciated joy when it is opened.

Toward the end of the book, Ellie reflects on the transition she has made over the course of the book (you'll have to read it yourself for the details!): "From working in a world filled with artifice, she had magically come to be celebrating Christmas in this place of spiritual peace and truthfulness."

A page turner that makes us reflect on spiritual peace and truthfulness (while, by the way, making us salivate at the idea of delicious Amish food), A Plain and Fancy Christmas would be a wonderful addition to your book club's holiday reading list.

Picking On/Getting Picked On (A Mama Kat Writing Prompt)

2012-01-26T06:06:00.000-05:00

This week, random.org "chose" Mama Kat prompt number four for me: Describe a time you saw someone getting picked on.

When I try to imagine what the posts centered around this prompt will be about, the images in my head are all playgrounds, pulled hair, and "nanny nanny boo boo." That's not the image for me. Let's see where the three scenarios that come to mind take this.

The first incident that comes to mind involves me as the picker-on. I can so clearly see myself in the portable that housed seventh-grade science. There was a student in class, I think his name was Tom. Tom had some type of processing delay, part of which was an inability to read social cues. Flirting and (seventh-grade circa 1970's) suggestiveness would raise his hopes that the flirter really meant it. I still to. this. day. do not know why I got on the "flirt with Tom to be mean" bandwagon but I did. The only saving grace is that knowing I was once a perpetrator has made me doubly determined as an adult to be attuned to situations where kids are mean to other kids, especially in situations like this.

The second involves a family gathering -- of people who only see each other once every 5-10 years, and usually for a funeral. The particular cousin involved is one I see only every 5-10 years but to whom I felt pretty close - I had visited him over the years and felt we had a good bit in common. He started telling a joke about African Americans, Jews, and the Holocaust. It doesn't even matter the specific content of the joke; it was despicable. And although there wasn't an African American or Jew in the room, it still was ... wrong. I said something like, "Oh, is that a South Georgia joke?" which is a kind of cruelty on my part to lump all South Georgians together. But I felt compelled to a) not laugh and b) point out somehow that this joke didn't ever deserve to see the light of day again. And even if there wasn't an African American or Jew in the room, there were children. Children who listen. Intently. Even when we don't think they're paying a whit of attention.

Lastly, coworkers can pick on coworkers. In this case, it was an unintentional and unfortunate slight at best, or an intentional, meanspirited power play at worst. When I was transferred by my employer to a different position, one of my new tasks was a monthly conference call with 10-15 leaders of organizations we dealt with. The calls had reached the point under my predecessor that they were (to a degree) a technicality. (During an earlier phase in our organization's life, they had been a critical lifeline as we went through a computer platform transition.) One of my coworkers (who is higher on the org chart than me) said during the call, "I wonder if we ought to be having these calls anymore." It could be argued that the individual who said that was truly putting out a discussion point that needed to be vetted, but as someone new to the position, trying to establish authority and communication with all of the others assembled on the call, I felt undermined and unable to really rescue the situation with everyone listening. I said something like, "Maybe so but that needs to be decided offline." But the moment for me was lost. I needed (wanted?) support, not dissent.

"Picking on" someone boils down to a lack of respect. I did not respect my classmate in Scenario Number 1 (and I was old enough to know better); My cousin did not respect people of other ethnicities in Scenario Number 2; My coworker did not respect me in Scenario Number 3. My favorite leadership blogger, Dan Rockwell (Leadership Freak) talked with Verizon's former CEO Denny Strigl here. Mr. Strigl points out that one of the six ways managers build distrust between themselves and employees is by "lack of respect." In my opinion, lack of respect is at the root of most "picking on" incidents, not just those between managers and employees.

Wordless Wednesday (Paper Roses Edition)

2012-01-24T22:18:00.000-05:00

When I was on a business trip last week, the first night was spent in a hotel in Orlando that is in between being a Crowne Plaza and a Doubletree. Meaning, for now it is in identity limbo. The room was fine (and my dinner was delicious) but there wasn't a feeling of brand pride among the staff (because there was no brand).

The second night, we were in a Hampton Inn in Gainesville. Adorning my bathroom was this "tissue art."

Little things matter, and we travelers notice.

Nice job, Hampton. You came out smelling like a rose.

Holy and Human, Seven Days a Week (A Retirement Tribute to Father Gil)

2012-01-22T20:55:00.001-05:00

From August 1992 through mid-2005, my priest was Father Gil Crosby. One of our practices as a congregation at St. Francis of Assisi Episcopal Church was called "Thanksgivings." During this part of the service, which occurred right before recessional, he would stand in front of us and anyone who wished to express something they were thankful for would make a donation into the "Thanksgivings" bucket and say what they were thankful for. The proceeds all went into a scholarship fund to send kids to summer camp at Camp Weed.

As Father Gil retires, I would like to share a few thoughts in tribute and thanksgiving. If I were monopolozing "Thanksgivings" long enough to discuss the things for which I am most grateful, they would include:

Helping me prepare for and co-officiating over my 1995 confirmation by the Bishop. For saying to me, during that preparation period, "Jesus came to take away our sin, not our intellect"

For the time he leaned over into my ear, and said, during the passing of the peace, "this may be a good day to ask for intercessory prayer," not knowing I had just received test results about my unborn baby that had me worried. (I did get intercessory prayer and everything did turn out fine.)

Baptizing Tenley in November 1996

Blessing our Opal Court house in 1998

Being (or acting) oblivious when a very young toddler Tenley stood there with him during Thanksgivings, just "hanging out" where the gratitude was

Baptizing Wayne Kevin in October 1999

Starting every vestry meeting off with prayer and reflection rather than business

Being the sole clergyperson who, when I met with him to discuss my decision to move to a different congregation, prayed with me about it

Being candidly human when, at the end of church one day, he shared a personal request on behalf of his granddaughter, who sorely needed our prayers, and his grief was so un-glossed over. He trusted us, an entire congregation, to share the pain

Making sure so many children (including Tenley) had an opportunity to go to Camp Weed regardless of financial considerations

Adding publicly, one night when we were praying as a vestry, "please help Paula deal with being so tired." (I don't remember the exact words, but they went precisely to the heart of my needs.)

As Trina McCarthy put it at his retirement dinner, Fr. Gil models how to be "human as well as holy." At the same event, someone else poked fun at the old (and utterly untrue) joke that a priest only works on Sundays.

A Don Sergio Castro quote I read recently said, "If everybody acted in a simple and human way, we'd all be saints." That quote struck something about my feelings for and gratitude toward Father Gil (and his wife Jacque). There were times, especially in my last years at St. Francis, when we as a congregation, he as a clergyperson, I as a parishioner, and all of us as Christians faced a complexity we had not anticipated and didn't want. I am also sure none of us are saints. But I know Fr. Gil has a gift for helping us approach the complex by breaking it down into the simple. I know he will continue reminding everyone in his circle of the role of prayer in each individual's life, each congregation's journey, each nation's fate.

I could fund a lot of children's trips to Camp Weed with the amount of money I would really like to give to represent my gratitude for the human holiness which Father Gil demonstrated seven days a week.

Written with a thankful heart .... January 2012

My Breakfast "Scene" (A Mama Kat Writing Prompt)

2012-01-19T06:41:00.000-05:00

This week, random.org "chose" Mama Kat prompt number four for me: Describe the scene at breakfast.

What that prompt conjures up for me is a step-by-step of how I make this happen at my house, as a beloved family tradition on weekend mornings:

but it would be a blatant lie to say I do that.

It is also tempting to reminisce about Skeeter's, a restaurant in Gainesville that no longer exists. Their portions were just huge. I still fondly recall their over-the-top breakfasts, with pancakes whose edges hung over the rims of the platters upon which they were served. Skeeter's has come and gone, but darn they were good.

I ended up being pretty literal about this prompt. Having gotten the prompt yesterday, I decided to share this morning's breakfast with you. Thrilling, right?

Step One (almost always) is the coffee:

Step Two is a Sweet N Salty bar* and the first check-in with the world:

Step Three - I was traveling to Orlando with my co-workers (we left at 7 a.m.) so the Chick Fil-A was a decision point. The chicken biscuits and hash browns smelled so yummy but I opted for more coffee and a fruit cup (sorry for the fuzzy photo). I knew I had several hours ahead in the van, followed by more hours of meetings. It didn't make sense to stuff anything heavier into my stomach.

A note on fruit. Several months ago, I was inspired by this post by Shannon Colavecchio to add a piece of fruit to my diet a day. This "baby step" sounds so minor, but it has made a big difference to me.

So there you have it - the relatively mundane way I began this Wednesday. Even a mundane start contains opportunities to kick the day off with healthy(ier) choices.

For me, as long as I wash those healthy choices down with coffee, I'm good!

*Note - I realize I am making some nutritional tradeoffs with this choice! Here's the deal. I first had these bars when Tenley and I went to Guatemala (we were instructed to take granola bars for between-meal snacks), so they bring back memories of that incredible trip. It also feels decadent to have just a hint of dark chocolate in the morning. Lastly, they're yummy.

Wordless Wednesday (Across the Boarder (?) Edition)

2012-01-17T22:50:00.000-05:00

Things that make Big Green Pen see Red!

include waking up to this:

Props to AOL, though, for fixing the error within hours!

It's nice to know they care.

What Tallahassee Needed! (A Jason's Deli Giveaway)

2012-01-15T21:10:00.000-05:00

I was excited when I saw that Jason's Deli would be opening here in Tallahassee, at a location that had seen a parade of short-lived establishments. I was even more excited when I started hearing my friends who had previously eaten at a Jason's Deli singing its praises:

"healthy and fresh"

"great organic salad bar with many options at a good price"

I am glad my cashier suggested the Manager's Special, which gave me a trip to the

delectable salad bar for a side!

"sandwiches with healthier options"

"great homemade soups"

"friendly staff"

"FREE soft serve ice cream"

Self Explanatory - yum!

Being me, I started poking around on the Internet to see if Jason's becomes involved with the communities where it does business - that's a critical point to win me as a loyal customer. I learned that, among other causes, Jason's Deli supports The Miracle League, which helps children have opportunities to play baseball, regardless of ability.

As I was visiting Jason's Deli for my first time ever, during a sneak peek last Friday, I overheard a customer say, "this is what Tallahassee needed."

The "sneak peek" crowd was numerous and enthusiastic.

It occurred to me that there are some "do's" and "don'ts" about Jason's Deli that will help us Tallahasseeans make up our minds regarding how much we need this new restaurant:

What they don't have:

High fructose corn syrup. (Read more about that here.)

Artificial trans fats. (Read more about that here.)

MSG.

What they do have:

The honor of being named "Best Restaurant in America" by Parents Magazine (March 2011)

A corporate mission statement that emphasizes people as well as product (The mission statement is included here.)

A gluten free menu

Jason's offers a couple of conveniences that are new to me, such as paying for your soup and salad at a self-serve kiosk and the Jason's Deli App for iPhones, iPads, and iPod touches (guess I'll have to get my teenager with the iPhone to help me with that one!).

Jason's Deli has given me a $25 gift card to share with one of you so you can find out for yourself if "this is what Tallahassee needed."*

To enter, please leave a comment on my blog letting me know what aspect of Jason's Deli you are most excited about!

To get an additional chance, please post the following to Twitter and let me know (via a comment) that you did.

I am joining @biggreenpen in welcoming @jasonsdeli to #Tallahassee! Fresh, healthy food served by friendly people. http://bit.ly/JasonsDeliTLH

I will choose the winner on Tuesday, January 19, at 10 p.m. Eastern. Please make sure to leave me an email address so that I can reach you if you're the winner

The food is prepared right in front of your eyes!

Find out more about Jason's Deli on social media at their Facebook site or on Twitter!

ps - special shout out to my cashier Shelby and my server Theodore - great job on the first day!

*The gift card can be used at any Jason's Deli in the US.

Truly Thankful (A Mama Kat Writing Prompt)

2012-01-12T18:07:00.000-05:00

This week, random.org "chose" Mama Kat prompt number five for me: Share a lesson (or lessons) you learned about friendship from an introvert. This prompt was based on this absolutely fabulous (to me) post from (in)courage.

A prompt that initially sounded deceptively easy ended up forcing me to examine all of my relationships, an examination that led me to conclude that I tend to surround myself with extroverts. I can't think of a single friend of mine who is a classic "introvert." Maybe I just haven't been paying attention.

The word "introvert" always makes me think of the many times I have taken the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. Almost every time, my "e" for "extrovert" and "i" for "introvert" are fairly evenly balanced. But in my heart of hearts, I know that I am a) energized by being alone rather than with a group (introvert) and b) have plenty of entertaining observations about the world parading through my head to which I rarely give voice (introvert, pre-blogging!).

In researching this post, I read a piece by Carl King entitled "10 Myths About Introverts." The ten myths (and an abbreviated summary of King's counterpoints) follow:

Myth #1: Introverts Don't Like to Talk (Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say).

Myth #2: Introverts are shy. (They just need a reason to interact.).

Myth #3: Introverts are rude. (They don't see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries.)

Myth #4: Introverts don't like people. (If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. )

Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public. (They just prefer shorter public outings because they will want to go home and process all the data and experiences they have taken in.)

Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone. (They do crave authentic connections, one person at a time.)

Myth #7 – Introverts are weird. (Their decisions are not based on trendiness.)

Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds. (Their inner world is so rewarding that it makes sense to them to look primarily inward.)

Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun. (They shut down if there is too much talking and noise going on.)

Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts. (Fix? FIX?)

Having bought some time with a list that I think has some insightful observations about introverts, I am still left wondering about the original premise: What have you learned from an introvert?

I think it is this:

Even the people who are "life of the party" animated sometimes are a lot more inward-looking than they appear on the surface. One of the things I can do for them is give them an opportunity (a quieter coffee/lunch date, a run/walk, etc.) to not be "on" and to say the things that may not be closest to the surface.

Even though it's most comfortable for me if someone carries the weight conversationally, I may be doing someone who is "less of a talker" an appreciated service when I throw the conversational ball myself a few times. The two-way street should have good traffic flow both ways.

I should remind myself that someone who comes across as "snobby" may not be that - they just may not be much of a small talker. This is an area where our current world of blogs and micro-blogs has helped, I think. Learning about someone through their written content sometimes gives me a completely different window into their psyche (not to mention some ready-made conversation starters - phew!).

Lastly, I wholeheartedly agree with #4 - although I struggled to identify one individual in my life from whom I could squeeze an example for this post, as I think about it, of the "friends for life" who come to mind, most of them would probably fall more toward the "introvert" side of the continuum rather than the "extrovert."

My gratitude for their stalwart friendship, with or without small talk and life-of-the-party-ness, is no myth. It is true thankfulness. Maybe I need to tell them.

Wordless Wednesday (Good Luck Menu Edition)

2012-01-10T22:56:00.001-05:00

We Southern women take our New Year's traditions seriously.

A little memento of my New Year's Day meal.

Eaten with gratitude for all I have been given and prayers for a few

breaks this year!

What are your New Year's food traditions?

Why I Check In

2012-01-09T00:33:00.000-05:00

When I first started seeing people's Four Square check ins pop up on Facebook and Twitter, my reaction was fairly negative. Why should I care that someone was home? Eating at Applebee's? At a rest stop on I-10?

The first time I really felt like Four Square may have a place in my social media life was when I was at a TweetUp benefiting Japan and one of my fellow diners checked in on Four Square - I realized that it was possible to see who else was present at the restaurant (who was also a Four Square user).

Shortly after that, I read a post by Jason Mollica that clarified for me the fact that Four Square check-ins do not always have to be synced to Facebook and/or Twitter. I realized that I could get the benefits (knowing who else was at the same venue as well as any mutual connections) without broadcasting my whereabouts to the larger circle of social media.

[I should note that one thing that held me back from joining Four Square was one individual - someone I did not know as well at the time as I do now but who, more than once, stated on Facebook, "join Four Square and I will unfriend you." This was someone in whose circle I wanted to remain - I wasn't sure if the individual was serious but I didn't want to find out!]

Fast forward to me taking the plunge. I was at the Georgia World Congress Center, at Tenley's dance competition, so my initial checkin was rewarded with the knowledge that there were others at the same venue as me.

I "thought" I had configured my FourSquare membership to do it "relatively secretly," meaning my check-ins wouldn't show up on Facebook. But I did have the setting configured so that my mayorships and badges showed up. As a result, almost immediately upon checking in a few places I was outed as having been awarded the "Crunked" badge - for "4+ Stops in One Night." I think the stops were the dance studio, the grocery store, and two other mom-driving-around-kids stops!

The Four Square "Crunked" Badge

[Side note #2 - it didn't take long to figure out that my friend who I thought was still a Four Square hater was already on Four Square!! It started out for business reasons but I think that individual, like me, discovered a like of Four Square that went beyond business.]

Now, why I check in and some thoughts about it.

Employees, Customers, Supporters - I read one article that recommended that an organization's employees not be allowed to check in and be the Four Square "mayor." I don't feel that way. I think that is because I have a pretty "open flow" opinion of relationships between business and personal life. My job is as much of my personal life as my personal life is part of my job (an outlook that is not working all that well right now but that's a topic for some other time). If an employee feels enough ownership in their organization to want to trumpet that fact, they should be able to. However, this does not always put the employer in the best of lights. When I saw that a fellow Four Square user was an employee at the grocery store I frequent almost every single day, and that the person was "mayor," I thought that was all pretty cool. Until I saw these tweets on the individual's twitter feed:

"Some b***h came in right at nine to get some turkey cut up on the saw tonight. So now I have overtime minutes I have to take off."

and

"I feel like crap. I threw up twice at work tonight."

Having read that, I am always checking nametags at the deli at that store now. AND for several days on end, I would pull into the parking lot to check in so that I could become mayor of the store and oust the disgruntled person. It just didn't do the store justice to have a griping, barfing, employee of a mayor. It's that much of a pleasure shopping there. I am a loyal customer. And a little wiser for having put social media two and two together.

Connecting Social Dots - I have never figured out how to explain this succinctly yet clearly to people I don't know well yet, but I am faceblind (prosopagnosic), meaning my ability to discern faces is impaired. Four Square, like Facebook, gives me photographic evidence as well as cues about people that help me tune in more quickly. I was at Chez Pierre one evening and someone I had never met in person was there, in the same dress she was wearing in her Four Square picture, so I was able to facilitate an introduction a lot more easily.

The potential to save money - One of the draws of Four Square is that users can get discounts at certain businesses for checking in. Honestly, I am so frugal that this was probably one of the top reasons I capitulated and signed up. But I don't think I have saved a cent yet!

The "power" of being mayor - It's virtual, it's toothless, it's just fun. But through Four Square, I can have the very minor head trip of being "mayor." Here are my current mayorships.

Home
Healthy Kids
The Bus Stop
Performing Arts Center of Tallahassee
Journeys in Yoga
Richview Park
Envision Credit Union
Holy Comforter Church
State Employees Credit Union
Stewardship Dry Cleaners
FSU Film School
Summit East
Nancys Alterations
Walgreens
Leon County Community Room
CalMart
Skate World

But then there's the questionable side:

I am spewing data about my habits - Does it matter that I do that? Probably not. If I don't want to check in, I don't. But who stands to benefit from knowing about my frequent Publix, Walgreens, and Maxwell's BP visits?

I am spewing data about my whereabouts - again - it probably doesn't matter because my life is pretty much an open book, but when is too much information too much? AND what am I teaching my 12 year old, who only has one Four Square friend (me) by having "fun" with Four Square and encouraging him to share information about himself?

Trust Issues - Sometimes I will be sitting in my parking lot at work or in my driveway at home and Four Square will refuse to give me any points for my check in because "your phone thinks you are a little far from where you say you are" (paraphrasing here). WHAT? I know where I am, thank you very much. Trust me! Conversely, Four Square has caused my son to doubt my veracity. My Droid Eris is very slow to check in, so I will check in to a location a few hundred yards in advance. He once told another parent at camp, "my mom is here so she can talk to you about our sleepover - Four Square says she's here." I wasn't. Oops.

I am helping someone make money (but I don't really know who) - I am by no means a Four Square expert, but my innocence was quickly erased when I learned that a "custom badge" to support a cause doesn't come cheap (think quite a few zeros). Hmmm..... (This article delves a bit into Four Square's revenue generation.)

My ultimate thought is that Four Square is another fun tool to use to connect. It helps me publicize businesses and causes I love. It helps me keep track of my habits (the "Fried Check In badge Level Two"? Really? but the "This is your 23rd consecutive week at a gym - your biceps say ouch your heart says yes" is reassuring).

For me, it goes back to the same reason I jump at opportunities to Tweet Up (meet fellow Twitter users in person) and extend social media conversations beyond the limits of Facebook statuses and 140 character tweets - I like writing and in many ways that helps me establish a relationship in a deeper way than a face to face does. But nothing, seriously, nothing replaces the camaraderie of interacting with another person with whom I have something in common.

Four Square is just another way of allowing me to "check in" with humankind.

Maybe there needs to be a "looked 'em in the eyes" badge!

Resolve for 2012 (A Mama Kat Writing Prompt)

2012-01-05T05:59:00.000-05:00

This week, random.org recommended that I write about Mama Kat prompt number two: Quick! Your in laws will be at your house in two hours. What will you feed them out of what you have on hand? The thing is, my inlaws are over a lot and my husband is a pretty good cook, so that wasn't as challenging as number five: What are your resolutions for 2012 and what happened to your resolutions of the past?

I usually pick three resolutions/goals for each year. So far, I have one. It is a carryover goal which I did not achieve in 2011 -- running a 5K in less than 30 minutes. More on that here.

I don't know what the other two will be. I need to put a little more thought into it and actually plan to attend a meditation session to get a little clarity on this.

Part of the prompt asks for outcomes of previous year's goals. Therefore, a report card of sorts:

Here are the 2010 goals:

Guatemala happened. It didn't happen in 2010, but we loved the group we traveled with and ended up sponsoring Estela, so I think the July 2011 trip happened at exactly the right time.

Big Green Pen is happening. I have steady opportunities to proofread, edit, and write as my "sideline" and get positive feedback from the authors with whom I work. My short story, Play Ball, won 3rd place in the Flash Fiction component of the Seven Hills Literary Contest and has been published as part of the Seven Hills Review.

The "Kids Main Driver" goal sort of happened. This was more of an issue for me when I was having to shuttle children off to after school programs every day and pay college students to get them to activities. With changes in their activities (i.e. no more football practice for Wayne), as well as the fact that Tenley now has friends who drive with whom she can ride, it's not as big a need. But it's still a challenge as Wayne Kevin starts speed skating two days a week and has to get from middle school to skating right in the middle of the work day.

Here are the 2011 goals:

The "Run a 5K in less than 30 minutes" has been rolled over to 2012.

Technically, you could say I wrote about Camp Gordon Johnston, because I wrote this post after I participated in their annual reunion last year. But my dream is an Unbroken-style story, one that readers walk away from knowing more about World War II, its people and its places than they did before they picked the book up. Much work remains to be done. This goal has not happened.

"Expand BGP (Big Green Pen) without losing so much sleep" has not happened. My day job still takes up my .... days, of course. Nights and weekends are filled with Big Green Pen stuff, exercising, time with family, other things I love, etc. In fairness to my health, I need to find a more efficient combination for all of this (or eliminate something).

Which brings us to 2012. As I said, I am not ready to go on record with my second and third resolutions yet. Some thoughts in my head include the fact that I really love being outdoors and would like to be more deliberate about getting some outside time in regularly. I also am cognizant that my children are rushing to independence at warp speed. When my son finishes school 5.5 years from now, I don't want to be looking across a table at a spouse whom I have completely lost touch with and I don't want kids who say "you were always on the computer." Something about the 2012 goals has to be more inward facing than previous goals. Lastly, the thought "outer order brings inner calm" is part of the mix. I have never been a neat freak when it comes to my domestic life but I am tired of laundry mountain, dust bunnies, and unresolved pet stains on the carpet. Time to clean some things up.

Maybe Resolve pet stain remover will be my mascot product for 2012!

Wordless Wednesday (Forever Young/Jovenes Para Siempre Edition)

2012-01-03T21:21:00.001-05:00

How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

Satchel Paige

Photo Credit: Shanxi Upsdell Omoniyi

Note: Shanxi took this picture of Chilean women when she was participating in a Mission Awareness Trip with the Christian Foundation for Children and Aging (CFCA). For information on CFCA's work in Chile, please click here.

2012 - The Carryover Resolution

2012-01-01T22:34:00.000-05:00

Photo Credit: Stoonn/FreeDigitalPhotos.Net

I carry around a slip of paper on which I have written my three top goals. I do this based on a suggestion from Scott Ginsberg, the Nametag Guy. I am convinced that, although I have not achieved my three goals every year, I have come a heck of a lot closer based on this one small action. I don't think Tenley's and my trip to Guatemala in July 2011 would have happened without my habit of keeping a tangible reminder of my goals in my wallet.

I haven't decided on all three 2012 goals yet, but one "carry-over" from 2011 is my goal of running a 5K in less than 30 minutes.

My involvement with the "Badass Army" is going to be one of the keys to achieving this goal. Thank you Shannon Colavecchio for this resolution template. Here's my take on it.

Badass Army 2012 Resolution

My body is a fortress that must be respected, fortified and prepared for any and all of life's battles. I, Paula Kiger, as a devoted recruit of the Badass Army, do hereby resolve to stand firm in the duties and responsibilities inherent within.

Because the Army individually and collectively must stay strong and healthy, I resolve to abide by the the following principles:

• I will find at least 30 minutes a day at least five days a week for moderate physical activity. My personal fitness goal is to be active 30 minutes a day for six days a week. I choose a variety of things for my physical activity (ies). This variety includes:

          Running three days a week, with one of those days being interval training.
          Cross Training two days a week.
          Yoga at least once a week.

I will not back down from opportunities to have fun while being fit, even if they are outside of my comfort zone. I will also actively seek out and promote fitness opportunities that do good for causes I support. (This italicized section is an addition to the template.)

• I will not use the D-word. Instead, I will eat to live; I will eat to fuel my active lifestyle.

• I will fuel my Badass with clean food, 85 to 90 percent of the time, incorporating "real food" like fruits and vegetables, dairy and lean meats and fish into my eating.

• When I crave something that falls in the category of "not so Badass approved," I will - approximately 10 to 15 percent of the time - let myself enjoy it in moderation. Life is about enjoyment, not an existence of meager rice cakes.

• I will in all things seek balance, taking care of my fortress even as I push it to new challenges.

• I will complete one fitness challenge that I have, until now, been too under-challenged*, sleep deprived**, or overweight*** to do. My personal goal is to, before the end of 2012, run a 5K in 29:59 or less.

• I will support, respect and cheer on my fellow recruits. I will not be afraid to turn to them for guidance or encouragement when I need it. When I need a swift kick in the Badass for motivation, I will ask for that, too.

• I will not let the criticisms or passive-aggressive comments of naysayers bring me down. My eyes will stay on the prize.

• If I fall down, I will get back up and press on. That’s how the Badass Army rolls.

I am strong and capable of great things. I will use this resolution as constant guidance and motivation in the year ahead. Hooah!

*By underchallenged I mean that I have not sufficiently challenged myself. This is why I am working on adding a second activity to some of my days, such as Tabata drills in the morning and yoga in the evening.

**Gary Droze, who coaches our interval sessions, asked me about my sleep. When I sheepishly admitted how much sleep I (don't) get, he said to envision it like a farmer who has planted carrots. If he pulls them out of the ground every night to check how they're doing, the carrots will never have an opportunity to reach their full potential. The parallel applies to fitness - your body needs time to recover every night in order to reach its highest capacity.

***Estimates vary, but some sources say a 10 pound weight loss can result in a minute shaved off of a 5K race time. Here's one article.

Best of 2011 (A Mama Kat Writing Prompt)

2011-12-29T23:55:00.004-05:00

This week, I chose to highlight my twelve favorite posts of 2011. Mama Kat's prompt technically instructed us to pick the best post of each month of the year, but mine is a little more haphazard than that - some months were better than others!

The vast majority of my favorite posts were the ones which helped someone else's cause, such as:

Transforming Lives One Car at a Time, a January post which introduced my readers to Tallahassee's Teen Challenge program, which helps men with drug, alcohol and other life controlling problems.

Nothing, a May post about cyber-bullying and how neither bullied children or bullies are "nothing."

My June post entitled Help Lauren Spierer Surface. Lauren is still missing. My heart breaks for her parents with every day that passes with no answers.

My August post Hope for a Family - Carla's Family, which was the main social media vehicle I used to try to secure a sponsor for Carla from Guatemala. She hasn't been sponsored yet but I still have hope!

Be That Adult, a November post I wrote about my experience with unwanted sexual advances by a trusted adult. I was very honored that Stop It Now linked to this post in their commentary about the Penn State - Sandusky Situation.

When You Care Enough to Send the Very Bluest, a November post I wrote in support of The Blue Key for Refugees.

Lastly, the December guest post by my niece, Kris, about her father's suicide. If Chuck Kiger - One of the 30,000 Per Year helps even one family avoid this type of tragedy, it will be a good thing.

I also thoroughly enjoyed my photography posts, like A-"Maze" ing Corn. I have no illusions of changing the world of art with my point and shoot camera, but it sure is fun. I mean, seriously, flip flops in corn plants?

I usually end up talking about running, yoga, and fitness a few times during the year. I felt strongly about this September post, Do Stretching and Yoga Help Runners? It's a "Stretch" to assume they don't. I believe yoga has completely changed my running (and my life) for the better.

Lastly, my blogging helped me pay tribute and say "good-bye" (for now) to people who have made a difference to me. One example was my December post about the FSU Film BFA Class of 2011, Elephants, Flowers, and the BFA Class of 2011.

And this tribute to my yoga teacher and friend, partially because I had fun writing it and partially because this squirrel picture just makes me laugh every time I look at it.

This year has been sort of like this squirrel - strong, with welcome touches of humor.

Wonder what 2012 will bring.

May You Be Strong (A Post for Dan Rockwell)

2011-12-28T22:31:00.001-05:00

May You Be Strong, Dan

(and How We Can Help)

Dan Rockwell has been writing succinct, powerful, inspiring posts about leadership via his Leadership Freak blog since December 2009. In the first Leadership Freak post, Dan said, with typical candor:

Among others, my battles include, selfishness, the need for the

spot light, and the need to control things.

While I would differ with Dan’s view that he is selfish and greedy for the spotlight, I have read almost every Leadership Freak post and it is clear that one of his battles is the “need to control things.”

That need for control was smashed in an instant in November 2011 when Dan had a serious automobile accident that rendered him flat on his back in a lifeflight helicopter, with a long recovery ahead once he survived the initial near-fatal injuries.

In Pulse magazine, Dr. Bill Ventres wrote about how a case of Guillian-Barre syndrome descended upon him rapidly while he was traveling in Guatemala, transforming him from an average tourist to a bedbound, 99.9% paralyzed patient within six hours. This condition would have been difficult for anyone, but for a physician it was especially grueling. He marvels at the transcendent power of kindness, such as the “nurse who massaged my feet as she trimmed my toenails--a gesture of humble yet profound caring in the face of my devastating loss of control and power.” Dr. Ventres’s nurse reminds me of the medical staff Dan lauded in this post about the healthcare professionals he has encountered since his accident. Despite Dan's difficulties, he saw the potential in every individual who crossed his path.

In his "Hidden Power of Weakness" post, Dan shares the following observation: "Weakness lets you highlight the strength of others." Although I know Dan's spiritual and mental strength remain strong, I also know that the physical challenges caused by the accident are coupled with the financial challenges of mounting medical bills and expenses.

It is time for the strong Leadership Freak community to

unify on Dan's behalf.

I encourage you to join in this effort immediately so we can get closer to the goal of raising $30,000 by December 31, 2011. The link to donate is here. Even if you can’t give money, you can help by sharing this post on Facebook, LinkedIn, Google+, or by tweeting this:

The @LeadershipFreak community is giving back to Dan Rockwell, who has given us so much. To contribute, go to http://bit.ly/rYOgCR

In his post about his battle with Guillian-Barre, Dr. Ventres shares the mantra/prayer that he repeated over and over while struggling to breathe: “May I Be Strong.” I would like to borrow and modify that mantra in order to send a wish to Dan.

May You Be Strong.

Wordless Wednesday (New Hampshire Sunrises Edition)

2011-12-27T22:54:00.000-05:00

My friend Jacqui shares her images of New Hampshire sunrises with me almost

every morning. They never fail to make me smile:

I like the ones that capture the water in motion:

Photo Credit: Jacqui Graham

and the ones that are so vivid I can't help but be in awe of nature:

Photo Credit: Jacqui Graham

Thank you, Jacqui, for these daily reminders of nature's gifts to us.

Christmas Beyond Red and Green (An Advent Devotional)

2011-12-25T20:02:00.000-05:00

I wrote this devotional as my contribution to the Holy Comforter Episcopal Church "Advent Reflections 2011." It was written for December 16 (Advent 3). The verses for that day included:

Let all the ends of the earth revere him. Psalm 67:7

…my house shall be called a house of prayer. Isaiah 56:7

…you were willing to rejoice for a while in his light. John 5:35

When Tenley and I visited Guatemala in July 2011 as part of a Christian Foundation for Children and Aging Mission Awareness Trip, we had a booklet that outlined “the plan” for each day. For example, we knew that on Monday we would start the day with a reflection, spend the majority of the day visiting with our “sponsored friends” (the children that we had been supporting through financial contributions, correspondence, and small gifts), and end the day with dinner and a video presentation.

The “plan” for Wednesday stated that we would start the day at 7:00 a.m. with the “Mayan Prayer” led by the project team. I had no idea what to expect, except that some of our fellow travelers seemed very excited about the Mayan Prayer.

When Tenley and I arrived downstairs on Wednesday morning, we could see what all the excitement had been about. I don’t know what time the team had woken up to prepare the elaborate presentation, but it was beautiful. A carpet of pine needles surrounded beautiful floral presentations – a floral rosary – the CFCA logo in flowers – representations of earth’s gifts such as corn, wheat, fruit, and beans – and in the very center, a cross of five colors.

In the cross, small green candles represented the center of the earth; red candles represented the east; black candles represented the west; white candles represented the north; yellow candles represented the south.

Many of the team members had dressed in their indigenous clothing; beautifully woven textiles that told stories in themselves. The history of the textiles goes back thousands of years, grounded in a land whose volcanoes and mountains have sustained generations of people who have a deep reverence for the earth and its products.

Each of us was instructed to choose a candle to light. For example, the people who had chosen green approached the center together to light their candles. These candles represented the “green fields, where the beatitudes become a total reality when we are conscious of our daily deeds.” The number of people wanting red (east) was pretty high, so I held back and lit a black candle. Black represented the west, “symbols of our death, the end of our earthly life, but the beginning of a new era.”

The Mayan people may have never worshipped in ornate cathedrals; they may have never had hymnals inscribed, “In Honor of So-and-So.” They may not have had many material worship trappings that most of us have become accustomed to.

But there, in the shadow of Lake Atitlan, the sky was as beautiful a ceiling as the most complicated fresco. My new friends, both the Americans with whom we were traveling and the Guatemalans who embraced us as their Christian “familia,” helped us extend our spiritual reach a bit farther, to more distant “ends of the earth.”

And it was in His light that we all rejoiced.

As you prepare to celebrate Christ’s birth, consider opening your heart to another part of God’s creation that you have not experienced. You may find that reaching farther out brings you closer to the center, where everything is illumined by “the light of mutual love.”

Sources:

Christian Foundation for Children and Aging Mission Awareness Trip Booklet
Mayan Prayer, Internet

All Dressed Up With Nowhere to .......Hey Anyone Want to Go Out? (A Mama Kat Writing Prompt)

2011-12-23T22:05:00.002-05:00

This week, random.org handed me Mama Kat prompt number five: Put together a holiday outfit you’d love to wear at a holiday party should a holiday party ever be on your list of things to do.

.......long extended pause here while I pick myself up off the floor from laughing ... luxe holiday party? Me? In what lifetime? ........

But a woman can dream, so here goes.

The easiest way to write this post would be to say the following: If I am having a good hair day (which usually means that it has been styled by Bonnie at Polished Effects), I could be wearing a croaker sack and feel great. But unfortunately Bonnie does not live at my house and croaker sacks are so 1930's.

The fun people at Zappo's, especially the twitter service team from @zappos_service, have been so great to me, even though I am not a big ticket customer, that I thought I would peruse their selection of dressy wear to put together my fantasy outfit.

It would include this burgundy dress:

(Caveat: being a "fantasy" post, I picked something that would fit my "fantasy figure" - remember this is a fun daydream!)

These bronze kidskin shoes:

which happen to have the coolest soles:

This clutch:

These earrings:

This bracelet:

And, although it is in the black family instead of the brown family, since it is newer than my current coat which is navy blue and over 20 years old, this coat (with the faux fur removed):

Throw in a manicure so my nails are just right, and I'd be ready to indulge in some holiday festiveness.

Who's ready for a girls' night out?

Of Yoga, Squirrels, and The Eye of the Tiger

2011-12-22T16:27:00.000-05:00

The first yoga class I ever attended was a core yoga class at Journeys in Yoga. As is typical for my fitness situation, I chose something that fit my schedule, not thinking too hard about what I was getting into. (That explains why I ate a half a bag of mellocremes two hours before the class ... yuck.) The class I wandered into was a Core Yoga class. Over the 14 months since that first class, it became a necessity, right there behind breathing, eating, and the other "have-to's" of life.

Now our teacher John is moving on to a long term work opportunity outside of Tallahassee. By way of a farewell, a list:

"You Know You're a Regular at John's Core Yoga When"

It doesn't surprise you that "The Only Exception" is followed by "Kung Fu Fighting."

The acronyms RSHB and LSHB mean something to you.

The song "Eye of the Tiger" is more of an "elbow walkup thing" than a "Rocky" thing in your head.

You can't listen to Foster the People's "Pumped Up Kicks" without dropping into a forward fold.

You know to ask "is that all planks or just elbow planks?" when told, "that's it for planks."

Counts and time spans are a bit "estimate-y" (but isn't that 121st squat good for us after all?).

The phrase "that's my dog" may mean your yoga position or this song (or both).

You know to find your stretch (which is probably a lot easier than finding your neighbor's).

It doesn't faze you, during hydrants, to hear one option for the diameter of your knee circles described as "the circumference of a squirrel's head" ..... or when your teacher, having pondered a moment, says, "well the squirrel's still alive."

You know you can "fall out when you need to," but you really, really, really don't want to because you feel so supported and motivated.

You know you're a regular in John's core yoga class when, in the midst of trying to say goodbye (for now) with humor and a bit of satire, you have to stop long enough to say the most sincerely felt of "thank you's" .... for helping us find more physical strength than we thought possible, along with a healthy dose of inner strength too.

Nothing squirrel-y about that.

Wordless Wednesday (Holiday Wonder Edition)

2011-12-20T22:14:00.000-05:00

I am still a Wordless Wednesday-er adrift after weeks of the structure of the Shades of Autumn Photo Challenge. Therefore, tonight you get three totally opposite things that I wonder about:

I wonder at the fact that the January 2012 Redbook Magazine I picked up today had an ad for "Kim-Pletely in Love" (Kim Kardashian's wedding color) nail polish by Nicole by Opi......51 days after the marriage was pronounced over.

"Kim-pletely in Love"

[note - potty humor warning here .... unless you live with a boy under the age of 14 this next image may offend you - that's why it's just a link]

I wonder why Santa's Gotta Go makes me laugh every time I see it*!

Lastly, I wonder at the dedication, beauty, and grace that led to my lovely Chrystalline Queen thrilling us all at the Christmas in Narnia ballet Saturday night:

Tenley Kiger as the Chrystalline Queen

Performing Arts Center of Tallahassee

Photo Credit: Abby Kinch

Now that's something to be "Kim-pletely" in love with!!

*Santa's Gotta Go image from www.weirdworm.com.

Five Things

2011-12-19T00:10:00.000-05:00

A recent Mama Kat writing prompt asked four sets of "name five things about you" questions. I was captivated by this prompt, which turned out to be a heck of a lot more difficult than I anticipated. So many bloggers hit the ball out of the park with it (and so many of the "things you believe" answers can become deeply personal so quickly) that it is a little daunting to try.

For example, who can top the very first thing Teacher Girl listed among "things we don't know about you"?:

I was once attacked by a rooster while on vacation in Nicaragua with my grandmother when I was three. My great-grandmother killed said rooster, and we ate him in a soup for dinner. (Read Teacher Girl's entire "five things" post here.)

Photo Credit: Paytai

Five Things We Don't Know About You

I am faceblind (meaning my ability to recognize faces is impaired). The official term for it is prosopagnosia and I am going to write about it someday beyond this post. For now, don't be offended if we have talked a thousand times and I still give you a blank look. It's not that you aren't important. Not at all.

I played the piccolo in the marching band in high school. That worked out great until half of the piccolo (which was owned by the school) went missing ... just vanished. Odd.

My fingers are double jointed.

I used to work for a company in New York that monitored the television news (and talk shows). I got paid to type what Howard Stern said.

I am registered with the National Marrow Donor Program.

Photo Credit: Arztsamui

Five Things You're Knowledgeable About

I am knowledgeable about grammar. One of my favorite punctuation marks is the semi-colon; it is important that the words before it and the words after it could each compose their own standalone sentences.

Although I haven't volunteered at Telephone Counseling and Referral Services in a long time, it would be a breeze to get back on a telephone and talk to someone in crisis. I understand short-term counseling; am a proficient reflective listener, and I think that agency (and others like it) serve a critical need.

I am pretty knowledgeable about cooking (not the "let's throw some stuff together and see what we get" kind of cooking but the "measure exactly one cup of flour and level it off" kind of precise cooking).

I know a lot about contact center metrics. Occupancy, Average Handle Time, Adherence, Erlang C. But I don't work in a contact center content currently.

Having been privy to the infancy of Florida's State Child Health Insurance program, I know a lot about the pieces and parts of a non profit program, and the transition to being a federally funded entity.

Photo Credit: Chaiwat

Five Things You Know Nothing About

Basketball offense formations. I can't "see" a particular offense in action. I played basketball as a senior in high school. This should tell you all you need to know about the Union County High School Girls basketball team in 1981-1982.

Sports handicapping. Over under? The line? The spread? Winning straight up? I don't get it. My spouse makes up in knowledge what I lack in ignorance.

Cleaning House. You can tell by looking at my house.

Running Pace. I can't tell "my" paces apart, except that they're all slow. So when people start talking about an "easy" nine minute pace compared to their 7:30 pace, I just don't follow.

Constructing a web site. Redirecting my blog to my domain name. I will learn though.

Photo Credit: Arvind Balaraman

Five Things You Believe

I believe that worshipping regularly is important because it may be the one time of the week when you really step outside of yourself (in the presence of others) and try to connect with something higher.

I believe in the several years I have been volunteering/acting with the FSU Film School and watching a lot of their projects, I have seen glimpses of genius, and that I will see some of these names on the big screen in decades to come.

I believe that when I as a parent choose to help my child out, that instead of griping about it (going back home for the forgotten book, etc.) if I have chosen to do what is asked, I should do it with love. I don't always succeed at this goal.

I believe that many naysayers about yoga either had a first experience that wasn't a good fit or haven't tried it at all. I hope they'll give it a chance.

I believe that it does not matter who you have chosen to love (gender/race/whatever) but that being physically intimate with someone isn't that intimate if it's just for fun and doesn't engage your heart.

Our Nativity (A Mama Kat Writing Prompt)

2011-12-15T00:04:00.000-05:00

This week, random.org handed me Mama Kat prompt number three: Your nativity scene.

Our nativity scene came from SERRV, a fair trade network connecting thousands of artisans in developing countries with customers and volunteers across the United States. It was a gift from my in-laws.

I am glad it is a product made by someone who can improve their life by having a craft. I have to admit the set looked a lot bigger in the catalog than it does in real life (yes, the catalog probably had measurements but I didn't pay attention).

It is humble, crafted out of wood, and all of the pieces fit into the manger for storage year after year.

Although it is small and plain, there are things about our nativity set that parallel our family's faith journey.

It has an honored place at the entrance to our home.

Its small physical size is utterly contradicted by its huge symbolic importance.

In some ways it looks "unfinished." The characters could be sanded more, painted, detailed.

Like each one of us in this family, each piece of our nativity set has rough edges but a unique and treasured place in the world.

Thank God.

Wordless Wednesday (Secret Santa Edition)

2011-12-13T22:54:00.000-05:00

I am excited to share a little holiday joy with a fellow member of Daily Mile!

My recipient is getting:

A light for their bike (or themselves)!

Some snacks to stay fortified!

Some protection for their skin while ultra running!

It's so much fun sharing the joy of fitness and the fun of the holidays!

Happy Holidays, Secret Daily Mile Friend - your goodies are on their way!

PS - I love being a member of DailyMile - it is a fabulous support for my fitness activities and I have met some super-cool people along the way! Find out more at http://www.dailymile.com/!

Elephants, Flowers, and the BFA Class of 2011

2011-12-12T00:31:00.000-05:00

I have been involved with the Florida State University Film School for about five years. Prior to November 2008, I had been an extra several times, and my son had been in a BFA thesis film, but I had not been in a non-extra role. When Leelund Kim contacted me in November 2009 to perform a speaking role in Shane Spiegel's, Water Wings, I had my first experience of being in someone's "F1," which is a student's first film.

Being part of that F1, which I wrote about in Disheveled, gave me an opportunity to meet the five-student crew at the very start of their Film School journey. Between Fall 2009 and this summer, I worked with them and almost all of their classmates as an extra or volunteer many times. These students graduate next Saturday, and their thesis films will be screened. I won't be able to be at their screenings because Tenley is dancing in "Christmas in Narnia" with her ballet company.

Since I won't be able to say "goodbye" in person, here are some parting thoughts.

For Shane Spiegel, who wrote and directed Water Wings, I still shake my head at my good fortune to be involved in that production, but whatever stars aligned to put me on that set on a November Sunday afternoon, I am glad.

For Leelund Kim, who produced Water Wings, I have never admitted reading this in your Facebook notes because it felt a little stalker-ish, but I agree that "extras need to be directed." Having "extra'd" a lot now, I have come to appreciate a director who takes the time to help us understand where we fit in and how we can help the production be the best it can be.

For Briana Frapart, thank you for your positivity, for your many kindnesses, and for, um, the challenge (which we met of course!!!) of finding light-up Christmas deer at a time of year that was more "Fourth of July" than "25th of December."

For Carissa Dorson, thank you for explaining the term "Director of Photography" to me (yep, I did have to ask). Thank you too for allowing me to extra on Parental Ties, which was the last time I worked with Jarrod Heierman, and for being behind the camera that first time I gave a monologue.

For Justin Reager, you're the only college student with whom I have ever waxed rhapsodic about Lunchables. You really helped me relax that day and made me laugh.

The rest of this post is more general, for all of you in the BFA Class of 2011. In the text that Hugh McLeod uses to explain this drawing, which is part of his Flowers vs. Elephants post:

Image Credit: Hugh McLeod, Gaping Void

He ends with this statement:

.....success is a very delicate flower. It doesn't take a very heavy elephant in order to trample it to the ground.

So one has to work twice as hard, keeping those pesky elephants out of the yard.

The trouble arises when you get SO BUSY battling the elephants, you forget all about the flower. We've seen it happen, many times before.

During the time that you have been refining your craft, I have been battling with a lot of things that come along with being closer to 50 than 25. There are some paths in life that are now closed to me, and I have to make peace with that. There are (hopefully) many new adventures awaiting. Sometimes it was hard to look forward to the adventures because of the resignation that comes along with letting go of what won't be.

Each of you, in one way or another, helped me stop battling the elephants long enough to remember the flowers.

Thank you all.

The Smiling Runner (A Mama Kat Writing Prompt)

2011-12-08T00:08:00.000-05:00

This week, random.org handed me Mama Kat prompt number one: Have you decorated your Christmas tree? Share a favorite Christmas ornament.

Have I decorated my Christmas tree? That would involve having laundry mountain cleared from the Christmas tree's spot, and having the tree down from the attic. Not yet. I wish.

Share a favorite Christmas ornament. Did I mention that the box of ornaments is in the attic along with the tree?

I do have a new candidate that will factor among my favorites, however. It just arrived in the mail from my friend Audrey.

As luck would have it, Audrey and I were on Facebook simultaneously about a week ago when she messaged me and asked if I had received my birthday present. I said no, because no packages had been in the mail that my son had retrieved on his way in from school. It then occurred to me that a larger (than the mailbox) package would have been left at the front door. I checked the front door, discovered a package there (!) and Audrey and I had a mini virtual gift opening right there on Facebook. Not the same as being together physically, but still fun in a 21st century kind of way.

Here's the ornament that she had made for me:

The ornament is even personalized:

And ask me how much I love that happy look on the face! A friend recently mentioned how common it is to see runners' faces all scrunched up and tense looking, portraying a tension that transmits itself through their entire bodies. I thought about the ornament and my friend's comment all last night at Interval Training, which of all the running events in a typical week makes me want to grimace the most.

Audrey told me that she chose this gift for me to represent my commitment to running and making it a priority in my life, helping her feel more inclined to commit herself to exercising more.

Even without an ornament, Audrey's comments would have been gift enough.

They (and the ornament) really put a smile on my face!

Wordless Wednesday (The Almost Wordless Edition)

2011-12-06T22:46:00.000-05:00

If you walk into my home and ask for a charger, my first reaction will be to look for something with prongs, an item you can use to power up your cell phone. If you walk into my sister-in-law Mary's house, you may be asked:

Do you want one of the round basketweave chargers?

Or one of the square wooden ones?

My niece Jessica, Mary's daughter, designed the tables for our family gathering this Thanksgiving. Before we all get buried under tinsel and ornaments, I want to share with you the beautiful fruits of her labor.

Jessica's table was beautifully arranged.

Most importantly, it was done with love.

For that, especially, I am left [almost] wordless.

Chuck Kiger - One of the 30,000 Per Year

2011-12-04T21:46:00.000-05:00

Strawberry Fields, New York City

This Tuesday (December 6, 2011), my brother-in-law Chuck would have turned 52. Instead of planning a celebration for his birthday, we found ourselves today at a mass whose intentions were for the repose of his soul (Chuck ended his life on November 19, 2008).

Chuck's daughter, Kris Taylor, has begun working with suicide survivors. As part of that work, she gave this speech to the Dublin/Laurens County (Georgia) Suicide Prevention Coalition on October 25, 2011. In Chuck's memory, and in incredible gratitude for Kris's candor and courage, I am sharing the text of her speech with you via this post.

**

Good Afternoon.

I would like to start by expressing my appreciation to a few individuals. First, to Denise Forbes, Ellis Tapley, and Tina Clements, I doubt there would be a Coalition today without their hard work and dedication. To the members of our local news, I would have never learned of our community trying to start a Suicide Prevention Coalition without their coverage. To Brenda Yawn for always having a friendly smile and words of encouragement when I have needed them most. To Sheri McGuinness for freely giving of her experience and always telling me we would succeed. To my Family for all the reasons only they know, and finally, but certainly not least, to the Honorable Mayor Phil Best and the County Commissioners that have come here to support us today.

Kris Gives Her Speech

November 19, 2008 was like any other day for me. We got up, I took my daughter, Allie, to my in-law’s house, and I went to work. I remember my daughter was not feeling well that day but I cannot remember exactly what was wrong. I do remember I decided to stay home with her that Wednesday night while my husband went to church. My daughter and I had been home for probably about an hour or so when my phone rang. I knew it was my Father’s number because his ring tone played (it was John Lennon’s Imagine). I answered the phone like always, “Hi Dad!” but this time I was answered by the voice of my step-mother’s niece, which I found odd. Then, she asked to speak to Brad, my husband. At this point, I knew something out of the ordinary was happening, but I was not overly concerned. I told her he was at church and would not be back for another hour or so. She insisted she really needed to speak with him, so I gave her his cell number. Next, without thinking, I asked, “Is Dad okay?” She paused and then said, “He’s fine.”

It seemed like it took forever for my husband to get home that night. When he finally arrived, I met him at the door asking, “Have you talked with Salina?” He said he had seen her call but was busy and really did not want to talk with her anyway. I insisted he call her back, telling him I was worried something was wrong and I had to know. I remember saying, “What if Dad’s been in an accident?” At this point, my daughter was fussing, so I went to the living room to give her my attention while Brad called Salina back. I could see him on the phone through the doorway of the kitchen. Suddenly, while he was talking, he froze and then backed out of the doorway where I could not see him. Then, he came from the kitchen, sat next to me and handed me the phone. Salina’s voice came from the phone, “Kris, your Dad shot himself.” With those words, my whole world fell apart.

My Father had just become one of the 30,000 people that die by the act of suicide every year in America.

***************
Over the next year, as I tried to come to grips with the reality that my Dad had taken his own life, I learned things about him I had never known. For example, I learned my Dad had threatened to commit suicide before. When he and my Mother were still married, he had pulled out a gun and told her he was going to kill himself. The police even had to be called to help get the gun away from him. This happened at the time their marriage was falling apart. I had never been told this. Why was this fact about my Dad kept from me? Why had no one ever talked about it?

I believe the reason is because of the stigma associated with suicide.

What is “stigma”?

Fink and Tasman define stigma as:

“fear, resulting in lack of confidence. Stigma is loss, resulting in unresolved mourning issues. Stigma is not having access to resources, resulting in lack of useful coping skills. Stigma is being invisible or being reviled, resulting in conflicts regarding being seen. Stigma is lowered family esteem and intense shame, resulting in decreased self-worth. Stigma is secrecy, resulting in lack of understanding. Stigma is judgment, resulting in a lack of spontaneity. Stigma is divisive, resulting in a distrust of others. Stigma is anger, resulting in distance. Most importantly, stigma is hopelessness, resulting in helplessness.”

It has been said that suicide is one of the few remaining taboos today and it is often such an inconceivable act to most people that they cannot identify with it or empathize with those affected.

Many people think suicide is fundamentally wrong; many even think it is a mortal sin. The stigma is not just directed at the victim but often at the family left behind.

Think of it this way. If you knew someone who had committed suicide, when you were talking about them, you would probably say, “When John died, his family had such a hard time” . . . but you probably would not say, “When John committed suicide”.

Why is that?

If John had died from a heart attack, wouldn’t you just say, “When John died from the heart attack, his family had such a hard time”?

What is the difference?

They are both sudden, unexpected deaths.

It is because in the first situation we tend to place some blame on John (or even his family), but with the heart attack, we don’t. We imply that John had “control” over his own life and that he “alone” made the decision to end it.

**************
Don’t you think that people who are having suicidal thoughts know the stigma that is associated with suicide or even depression?

A study was done in 2008 where researchers interviewed 115 patients that had been in and out of treatment facilities about how they perceived stigma.

Over 70% of all patients believe that most young women would be reluctant to date a man who has been treated.

Nearly 70% thought that most people would not allow such a person to take care of their children, and most employers would pass over the application of such a person in favor of another applicant.

Over half assume that most people think less of a person who has been in a mental hospital or that their opinion is taken less seriously by others.

Do you think this stigma encourages people to seek help?

*************
Most suicide theorists note that victims are “seeking to escape emotional pain”.

This pain constricts their perception and narrows the range of available options they see. They begin to feel there are only two options: (1) live with the continuous, intolerable pain, or (2) end the pain altogether by ending their life.

Imagine this:

You’ve broken your leg. What would you do? You would go to the hospital, get your leg treated, let it heal, and move on with your life. Right?

But what if there was a stigma attached to having a broken leg? What if people acted differently around you, treated you like you were weak or confused? What if people told you to get over it and that your broken leg was all in your head. That you just needed to be strong, that you were choosing to have a broken leg. What if you lost your friends because of your broken leg? People started whispering behind your back, because only crazy people have broken legs. People treat you so differently that you become distant from your family, and you withdraw from the world. What would you do? You are in excruciating pain from your broken leg because you never sought treatment because of the stigma, and now your pain is unbearable. You want to end the pain; you want relief, but you have no where and no one to turn to for help. . . The only way you can think of to escape the pain is by ending your own life.

*************
I have often wondered if my family and I would we have been able to recognize the risk factors and realize that my Dad was slipping back into a dangerous emotional state if we had only been more open about my Dad’s tendencies for depression and suicidal thoughts. If we had embraced these facts about his personality, would he have felt safe enough to confide in us when he was in unbearable emotional pain so that we could have helped him from feeling hopeless and helpless? I will never be able to answer these questions. I can only hope and pray our story will help open the eyes and hearts of others, so, fewer lives will be affected by the tragedy of suicide.

Thank you.

**

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline for help.

The design on Chuck's Gravestone (he loved drawing Snoopy).

Acting Happier (A Mama Kat Writing Prompt)

2011-11-30T23:36:00.000-05:00

This week, random.org handed me Mama Kat prompt number four: Kids say the darndest things…describe a time a child’s honesty made you think.

Three and a half years ago, I could still tell my two kids (then 9 and 12) "let's hop in the car and go on a trip." Now there would be strings attached - pleas to bring friends along, complaints about being cooped up in the car together - it just wouldn't work.

In August 2008, Tenley, Wayne Kevin, and I took a trip to Orlando. The "goal driven" part of the trip was to visit an open casting call at Background Entertainment, an extras-casting agency. The day after the casting call visit, we planned to spend the day at Wet 'n Wild Water Park.

A picture from our day at Wet 'n Wild!

For several years prior to this trip to Orlando, I had ridden the waves of several emotional ups and downs (mostly downs). One of the lower points of that period was when I was visiting the St. Louis Arch and approached a staff person to ask if I could use my admission ticket for a slightly different time. It was a small housekeeping inquiry in the scheme of things, but the tone with which I asked it (it must have been sort of Eeyore-like) led the employee to say, "Smile, things aren't that bad."

As I began to claw my way out of the morass of concerns that had been weighing me down, I got involved with the FSU Film School (I got involved with the Film School because Tenley was auditioning, then Wayne Kevin who could barely read was auditioning ... and I started going in to auditions because that was a lot more fun than sitting in the waiting area). My interest in filmmaking and acting started as a tiny spark. The spark got fanned considerably when the HBO Film "Recount" was made here in Tallahassee and I had an "extra" role as an attorney. That scene ended up on the cutting room floor but starting off an "extra career" on an HBO Film three feet away from Kevin Spacey was kind of like learning to drive in a Mazerati.

The trip to Orlando was a way to dip a toe in the water of the film business outside of Tallahassee. Background Entertainment had done the extras casting for Recount so I had met some of the staff already.

Here's where the "kids say the darnedest things" part comes in. As we were driving to Orlando, Tenley said, "you seem happier now." She was right. I was no longer alarming customer service people with my low affect; I felt more positive about the options in my life; and even though the acting/film world steps I was taking were very small, they were steps. (I had not realized my daughter was so tuned in to my low mood.)

And like my friend Jarrod, who had a "day job" but contributed such heart and commitment to so many FSU Film productions before his untimely death last year, I was discovering an avocation that, despite a lot of hard work, a lot of "hurry up and wait," and a lot of unpredictability, made my heart sing every time I walked onto a set or interacted with the students. That happiness was not an act.

Still isn't.

The making of "The Looking Glass" with Nestor Bustamante

October 2011

Wordless Wednesday (Shades of Autumn Finale Edition)

2011-11-29T21:24:00.002-05:00

This is Week Eight of the Shades of Autumn Photo Challenge. It's finale week!

For finale week, I am sharing images from the labyrinth garden at my church (Holy Comforter Episcopal). Last Saturday, I spent time in the labyrinth reflecting on the experiences I had and the images I captured during the Shades of Autumn Photo Challenge. As I walked the labyrinth, the main thing that came to mind is that although the focus was on images, there were also many special people involved in helping make those images happen, such as the rare opportunity to be with my friends Audrey and Kimmi that resulted in my green week post or the kind employee at Esposito's who helped me pick out the perfect milkweed plant to attract monarch butterflies for orange week.

The Labyrinth, Autumn 2011:

If you are interested in learning more about labyrinths as spirtual tools, here is one resource.

Finally, thank you to Kristi of Live and Love Out Loud, Alicia of Project Alicia, and Rebecca of Bumbles and Light for coordinating this challenge. I can't think of a week during the challenge when one of the organizers did not comment on my post. Thank you for your encouragement and the work each of you put into coordinating this challenge.

Ten on Tuesday (on Sunday)

2011-11-27T23:47:00.000-05:00

Hello everyone! Here it is Sunday night and time to post. I am on deadline for an editing project, so I am going to take a shortcut and rely on someone else's structure.

Every time Teacher Girl posts a "Ten on Tuesday from Chelsea at Roots and Rings," I think "wow those are interesting questions!". This week's questions were centered around Thanksgiving (shocker), so I am going to answer the "Ten on Tuesday" even though it is Sunday. These questions were provided by Elizabeth at E is Random.

(Thanksgiving decorations by Jessica Oglesby)

1. What are you doing for Thanksgiving this year?

My 12 year old son and I ran the Turkey Trot! He ran the mile and I ran the 5K. Then we headed to Thomasville (Georgia) for the family get-together at my husband's sister's house.

2. What are you most thankful for this year?

I am thankful that Tenley and I had the opportunity to travel to Guatemala to meet our sponsored child Silvia, and to start sponsoring Estela. I am also thankful that my husband has a job through the end of the legislative session (March 2012). Never underestimate the effect on your morale of having somewhere to go every morning.

3. Do you have any traditions on Thanksgiving? The parade? Football? Long naps?

My son and I always run the Turkey Trot. Going to Mary's house in Thomasville has been the tradition for a long time; she has a great house for entertaining. We all pitch in to make the mounds of food that end up being consumed.

4. Is it called stuffing or dressing? Is it in the bird or a separate dish?

I use the terms interchangeably, but it has always been a separate dish. Separate dish growing up; separate dish now at Mary's. This is partially because the birds are now fried (can you stuff a fried bird?) and partially because I really don't want salmonella.

5. Do you cook?

It's a group effort. My brother-in-law fries the turkeys; my husband makes a killer pumpkin-shrimp bisque; I did the green bean casserole this year. The list goes on and on.
6. What is your favorite dish?

My favorite dish is the sweet potato casserole with all of the calorie-laden junk on top. It is one of the reasons I run 3.1 miles every Thanksgiving morning.7. What is your dessert preference?

I am an equal-opportunity dessert consumer. This year's hit (to me) was the chocolate-pecan pie. I do like fruit pies such as apple. I am not a tremendous fan of pumpkin but it is a tasty seasonal treat sometimes. But it doesn't have chocolate in it so pumpkin pie will remain in the "sometimes" category forevermore for me.

8. What is your favorite Thanksgiving memory?

I wrote about one favorite memory in last Wednesday's post. For another favorite memory, I would have to say Thanksgiving in New York City with Wayne in 1990, watching the Macy's Parade and eating at a Southern restaurant afterwards.

9. Do you plan to shop on Black Friday?

I did not shop on Black Friday. Although I am incredibly grateful that Wayne has work (for now), clawing our way out of the financial effects of his job loss in August 2010 is going to take a while. Rampant consumerism is leaving me cold.

10. What are you most dreading about Thanksgiving this year?

I can't say I really dreaded anything. I knew that my niece, Kris, and her family would be staying with us. I dreaded them seeing the house in less than optimal condition. But Kris, being her wonderful self, looked past the various pet stains on the carpet and my general clutter. Spending time with her, her husband, and her kids Allie and Griffin was so great. The house seems so quiet and idle now that they have gone home.

Not Your Average 5K (A Mama Kat Writing Prompt)

2011-11-24T00:09:00.003-05:00

This week, random.org handed me Mama Kat prompt number three: A favorite Thanksgiving memory.

Every Thanksgiving, thousands of my fellow Tallahasseeans (along with visiting friends/family) and I gather to run 5, 10, or 15 kilometers (or the 1 mile "gobbler") to kick off the day.

I had no illusions of running a "fast" (for me) Turkey Trot last year; I had been injured for several months and had barely been running at all. When the race started, I began a slow jog. Within a few hundred feet, I ended up falling into conversation with Charlie Yates (who was 85 at the time!) and my friend Judy Alexander (our Gulf Winds Track Club president).

Charlie is a true institution in Gulf Winds. Back in the mid-90's when I started running races in Tallahassee, I thought of him as "one of those older runners." I don't know what that means now that almost 20 more years have elapsed, but he's still out there - maybe a little slower but still putting in the miles.

As we traversed the course it was Charlie who made us feel like rock stars (I think the exact words were "two beautiful women"). Our pace allowed me to enjoy the surroundings, such as this autumnal vista that turned into the following week's Wordless Wednesday:

More importantly than the scenery, I had an opportunity to spend time with someone who has done so much for our sport locally*.

Judy Alexander, Charlie Yates, Me

November 26, 2009

Photo Credit: Samantha Corbin

A sixty-eight minute 5K may sound incredibly slow compared to the average runner.

But this was no average day.

And for that I am thankful.

*And lo and behold I was having a good hair day. A double bonus!

Wordless Wednesday (Within the Lines Edition)

2011-11-22T21:35:00.001-05:00

This is Week Seven of the Shades of Autumn Photo Challenge. This week's color is white.

As a "Dance Mom," I do a whole lot of waiting. In the car. Between white lines on the pavement. These white lines:

Life lived "between the lines" doesn't have to be dull; we just have to look a little harder sometimes to see the beauty that is there to enjoy.

The Shades of Autumn Photo Challenge is hosted by Kristi of Live and Love Out Loud, Alicia of Project Alicia, and Rebecca of Bumbles and Light. The challenge welcomes photographers of all skill levels. Next week's theme is FINALE! The linky for finale week will be up starting on Friday, November 25 (after which we will be on our own to think up Wordless Wednesday topics - it's been a while!).

My World on 11-11-11

2011-11-20T21:01:00.001-05:00

On November 11, 2011, I participated in the 11Eleven Project. The 11Eleven project is an effort to capture (then immortalize) images of the world through the day on 11/11/11. The result of the contributions will include several things, including a world music collection, a photo book, and a two-hour documentary. The organization coordinating the project is a non profit, and proceeds will go to:

SAVE THE CHILDREN

THE HUNGER PROJECT

WWF

OPPORTUNITY INTERNATIONAL

GLOBAL VOICES

HAMLIN FISTULA

For a really interesting representation of how tweets mentioning "11-11-11" moved across the world on November 11, visit this link.

The 11Eleven project was loosely organized around eleven topics. In keeping with the idea that everything had to be recorded on 11/11/11, I am simply including the name of the topic and an unedited image I took that day.

Faith

Beginnings

Heartbreak

Make a Wish

Darkness

Love

Beauty

Routine

Water

Courage

Play

Lastly, here is my recording of my thoughts on the eleven topics, as the day neared its end:

Oh, Parenting (A Mama Kat Writing Prompt)

2011-11-17T00:29:00.000-05:00

This week, random.org handed me Mama Kat prompt number two: Your biggest parenting challenge and/or joy.

I have two children, Tenley (15) and Wayne (12). There was never any question that being a mom was a goal for me. I have never been disappointed that I chose to have children, and despite all of the poop, human pacifier-ness of those first months, sleep deprivation, homework monitoring, mom-taxiing, Barney viewings, close calls almost breaking my neck tripping over Hot Wheels cars, goodie bags with cheap plastic crap, and a thousand other up-and-down parenthood experiences (dance, gymnastics, running, football would take a whole additional post), it is still my core purpose in life.

The challenge? Reconciling the ideal of the family I envisioned, with the reality of the one I ended up with. Before I had kids, I had a vision of being the house in the neighborhood where everyone congregated. Instead I walk into the house sometimes to loud rowdy boys and am annoyed that I have to stay "on" until they leave. Before I had kids, I envisioned my offspring dressed in durable, stylish, clean, ironed clothes. Instead (and this comment applies to my son as opposed to my daughter) I see a kid who really doesn't care (much) that his Croc (that he is not supposed to be wearing to school anyway) is missing a back strap or that he is going on his first "date" in gym shorts and a tshirt from a summer camp. I envisioned children sitting down at their desks in their rooms, getting their homework done studiously. Although my daughter has adopted better work habits, I still walk in on my son "doing his homework" at the computer ... with YouTube on the screen (and they AREN'T instructional videos)!

Even with all of that, I guess the verses I chose for their birth announcements sum up the joy with which Tenley and Wayne were welcomed into the world (I just didn't know the world would be quite so chaotic!).

Tenley's:

Don't know why you chose us

Were you watching from above?

Is there someone there that knows us,
Said we'd give you all our love?
--Marc Cohn

Wayne's:

Everything we feel for you

Started many ages ago.

Long before we knew you

Long before we met you.

We were sure we'd find you

someday, somehow...

Now you really are here and

now at last we know.

That long before we knew you,

we loved you so.

-- Jule Styne

Wordless Wednesday (Brown Understudy Edition)

2011-11-15T21:40:00.001-05:00

This is Week Six of the Shades of Autumn Photo Challenge. This week's color is brown.

We have a tree in our front yard that is (on first glance) pretty nondescript. I have hung the occasional bird feeder in it; I have driven past it thousands of times as I pulled into and out of our driveway. It's green. Right now it has some red coloring. Fortunately, for brown week it has some cool brown nut-things hidden deep within the leaves.

To me, the brown nuts are like the understudy who knows a part backwards and forwards but has never gotten a chance to shine. This is your week, brown!

The Shades of Autumn Photo Challenge is hosted by Kristi of Live and Love Out Loud, Alicia of Project Alicia, and Rebecca of Bumbles and Light. The challenge welcomes photographers of all skill levels. Next week's theme is white! The linky for white week will be up starting on Friday, November 18.

Be That Adult

2011-11-13T21:54:00.002-05:00

This has been a week in which it was impossible to escape the topic of child sexual abuse. Jerry Sandusky's history of abusing boys and young men in Pennsylvania became public, and with it questions proliferated about who knew what, when it had happened, and what had (or had not) been done in response.

As the week unfurled and the details of the sexual abuse were circulated more widely, in more detail, I came to believe that no one should express a social media opinion without reading the grand jury report. I also want to commend Dan Rockwell and the readers of Dan's "Leadership Freak" blog for one of the most civil, honest, broadly opined, and candid conversations about the issue that I have read. Click here for the post.

[As a bit of an aside, I agree with Stop It Now! that "the most effective prevention takes place before there’s a child victim to heal or an offender to punish."]

Since this is a time in our lives when an accused offender exists and victims who were children at the time must be healed, I have a personal account to share:

When I was 13, I was very, very involved with a masonic organization for girls. I loved everything about the organization - the friends, the ritual, the ability to wear formal gowns regularly, the idea that this affiliation would be a foundation of the adult I would become.

Our adult leader's husband was frequently in our midst. We did many activities (such as designing the newsletter) at their home. We called our adult leader "Mom" and her first name and her husband "Uncle" and his first name. The whole thing felt like family. Trust was implicit; we were all committed to the organization and its ideals.

One of the offices I held was the position that remained outside of the room where the meeting was held. Largely ceremonial, the idea was that this individual protected the members' proceedings from being infringed upon by the outside world. I recall a night when I was doing my job, when I was wearing a green form-fitting dress (probably made out of Quiana - this was the late seventies after all!) that made me feel so great about myself.

"Uncle" stayed outside with me. It was me and him - a situation that had likely occurred many times before; I didn't think anything of it. Until he put his hands around my waist and his tongue in my mouth.

He and I were separated by one plywood door from a room full of people, including his wife. Why I didn't open the door and stop things I don't know. I was in shock. Somehow I stumbled through the rest of the meeting once the time came for me to return to the room. When I got home that night I told my parents, "'Uncle' kissed me." The conversation rapidly went from "was it a peck on the cheek?" to the facts of the situation. I remember sitting in the back of our car, at "Uncle's" house, listening to my dad's conversation with him. It's surprising they were both alive afterward.

I don't know the specifics of what happened after that with the governing board of the organization. I know that "Uncle" was no longer at meetings and I certainly wasn't ever at his house again. Our family moved away later that year. I know that several years ago he passed away. I suppose this would be a better blog factually if I knew some of the post-incident details, but I really don't want to go there with my parents again.

One thought that haunts me after all these years is: how many other girls were there who were subjected to this behavior? I can't have been the only one. What happened after he was forced to stop coming to our meetings? Did he find some other outlet in order to feed his illness?

Lastly, if I had not had adults to tell who believed me, recovery would have been immeasurably harder. A lot of the young men I read about in the grand jury report came from homes where there was instability. Maybe that's why they were targeted. In my case, I had loving parents to talk to, but an adult who can help a kid when they are being victimized may be someone other than a parent. Be present for the young people in your life. Be aware of the signs of sexual abuse (click this link for information). I realize this advice may seem contradictory -- the abuse by Sandusky happened when he was a trusted adult -- but organizations who are proactive have ways in which adults and children can interact safely (like always having more than one adult present). If there is a child in your life who needs to safely disclose inappropriate behavior by another adult in their life, take them seriously. Facilitate the appropriate interventions so that, if abuse is happening, it is stopped. For that child and any children in the abuser's path.

Be that adult.

Gunning for a Blackout

2011-11-09T22:17:00.000-05:00

One of the Mama Kat writing prompts this week is also the Clorox Bleach It Away campaign prompt: Spending time with friends and family can lead to fun and memorable moments, but also some very messy ones. Tell us about the messiest moments that you’ll always remember!

Every Halloween, my son determines that his costume isn't at all complete without "accessories." He isn't worried about having a hand free with which to collect candy. It's all about the sheer power and ferocity (and having more toys). This year was no exception.

The gun wasn't ferocious enough in its original incarnation, which is where the black spray paint comes in. (This is not the first year I have been led down this path.)

Once the black spray paint started flowing, Wayne was on a roll.

Wayne was pretty excited about these artistic endeavors. So excited that he started right in on them wearing his best school clothes.

Clorox, help me Bleach It Away!

I received information about Clorox's Bleach It Away campaign and am sharing my messy moment for the chance to win prizes from The SITS Girls. To learn more about the messy moment program, check out www.BleachItAway.com. Sharing your story on the Clorox fan page gets you entered for the chance to win $25,000 and daily prizes, and you can grab a coupon for Clorox Regular® Bleach.

Wordless Wednesday (Pleasing Purple Edition)

2011-11-08T22:32:00.000-05:00

This is Week Five of the Shades of Autumn Photo Challenge. This week's color is purple.

One advantage of living in North Florida in the fall is that it is possible to enjoy outdoor activities well into the season. A couple of weeks ago, I had the physically and spiritually rejuvenating experience of doing outdoor yoga after work. The venue, a place called Lichgate, was perfect.

The Centuries-Old Lichgate Oak.

Yoga without walls.

And beautiful purple nearby:

I am not sure how this shot came to be, but I love the effect I stumbled onto:

The Shades of Autumn Photo Challenge is hosted by Kristi of Live and Love Out Loud, Alicia of Project Alicia, and Rebecca of Bumbles and Light. The challenge welcomes photographers of all skill levels. Next week's theme is brown! The linky for brown week will be up starting on Friday, November 11.

When You Care Enough To Send the Very ....... Bluest

2011-11-06T22:58:00.003-05:00

My father and my husband both have birthdays this Tuesday (November 8).

I am not giving them birthday cards. When I went to select a card for each of them, I realized it would be easy to spend $5 on each man, for a colorful piece of cardstock, carrying a sentiment written by someone else, that may end up on the recycling pile within days. This year, they are getting blue keys instead.

Why blue keys?

By buying a $5 Blue Key from USA for UNHCR, the buyer of the key tells "the millions of refugees worldwide that they’re not invisible."

Much of the focus of the USA for UNHCR's efforts is on women and children refugees. In most refugee areas, women far outnumber men in the population.

That got me thinking about the things I have never had to worry about, things that women refugees almost always have to worry about.

To use Somalia as an example, the UNHCR reported in July 2011 that more than 80% of those fleeing Somalia are women and children. Where are their husbands and fathers? According to Jane Alice Okello, a senior protection officer with the UNHCR, "Many men give the little money they have to the truck drivers to transport the wife and children here [the Dadaab Refugee Camp]."

In preparing for this post, I read of women who had agreed with their husbands that they would take their children immediately if their neighbors suddenly packed up and left for the Dadaab Refugee camp, even if it meant leaving the husbands behind. One woman, Yaroy, did leave as she had agreed with her husband, but two of her children were with her husband at the time and she had to leave right away with the couple's other four children.

A woman named Makanoor reported that she "had a last meal of maize at home before leaving with her three children. Her husband stayed behind to look after the animals while she embarked on the six-day walk to Dadaab."

A young girl is pictured at a makeshift camp in the area of Shangil Tobaya, Sudan,

where many like her have settled to escape fighting in their native Darfur villages. The migrants

have to contend with Shangil Tobaya's harsh landscape which provides little water or food.

Photo Credit: Albert Gonzalez Farran

Text Credit: United Nations Photo

Over 46 years of being daughter to my father and 19 years of being wife to my husband, I have complained about things. A less-than-sympathetic voice tone here and there, disputes over The Style Network vs ESPN on tv, other bumps on the emotional road of family life. But come on ... I have had it good! Displacement, traumatization by sexual violence, torture, and aggression were all abstractions - something that happened far from my comfortable four walls.

So, Dad on your 79th birthday and Wayne on your 53rd birthday, I hope you understand getting a blue key instead of a card. As I read recently in this post about Dadaab Camp, where there is hope, there is a home. Each of you has, in your own way, given me a physical home and an emotional home where hope could grow and thrive.

As we celebrate your birthdays, let's give refugees hope as well.

Buying a blue key (and therefore giving hope!) is simple. Just click here.

For the full text of the article from which I quoted Jane Alice Okello's statement and other information about the Dadaab Camp, click here.

UNHCR stands for the Office of the United Nations High Commissioner on Refugees.

Drink Up! (A Mama Kat Writing Prompt)

2011-11-03T01:01:00.002-04:00

This week, random.org handed me Mama Kat prompt number four: Pour me a drink. Share a favorite drink recipe! As much as I enjoy the thrill of meeting a writing prompt challenge, this one left me wanting a drink, not wanting to write about making one. (For fantastic cocktail recipes, I recommend Tomatoes on the Vine.) I tried random.org again and got Write a post in just eight lines. This I can do, and I am merging the drink prompt into the eight line prompt. Here goes.

Spirited Drinking

For me, favorite drinks are inextricably linked to times, people, and places.

The vanilla milkshakes I craved when very pregnant during a hot Florida summer.

The tequila/beer/frozen limeade margaritas that threw me unceremoniously to a bathroom floor.

Glasses of wine enjoyed over pasta dinners with the best of friends.

Piña Coladas (Regular for Mom/Virgin for My Son) while vacationing in Marco Island, Florida.

Convenience store hot chocolate on cold mornings after a 5K or yoga.

Rum and cokes (single rum, tall glass) watching Super Bowls with my husband.

What is in the glass doesn't matter as much as who I am with when it is consumed.

Wordless Wednesday (The Wonder of Red Edition)

2011-11-01T23:10:00.000-04:00

This is Week Four of the Shades of Autumn Photo Challenge. This week's color is red.

Prior to this week, I have been grousing a bit about the lack of "autumn" here in Tallahassee. I am happy to report that a bit of fall has descended upon us, just in time for "red week."

There has been red to wonder at:

As I was planning this post, I started noticing the vine with red highlights

growing on the entrance sign to our neighborhood.

A closer look.

The view from below.

And closer to home, there has been red to wonder about:

Like "who is Alyssa"? What exactly does she mean by "was there"?

(This red was spotted on my sleeping 12 year old son's forearm.)

The Shades of Autumn Photo Challenge is hosted by Kristi of Live and Love Out Loud, Alicia of Project Alicia, and Rebecca of Bumbles and Light. The challenge welcomes photographers of all skill levels. Next week's theme is purple! The linky for purple week will be up starting on Friday, November 4.

The 23rd Thing, On the 30th, for the 31st

2011-10-31T00:04:00.000-04:00

I have had a topic planned for tonight's post since last Tuesday, when Kat put out her five writing prompts for the week. I liked the "22 Things I Have Done" prompt, which would have been a counterpoint to my 22 Things I Haven't Done post. But as usual I couldn't resist the challenge of writing whatever random.org threw me, which is how I ended up writing about knee-hi hosiery. I had planned to use tonight's space for the "22 Things I Have Done" topic, but at 9 p.m., with three hours of weekend left, I still had a lengthy to-do list which couldn't possibly fit in the three hours allotted.

One of the items on the list was helping my son do the Halloween decorations. Here's where the "on the 30th" part of this post's title comes in. Wayne Kevin has been talking about the Halloween decorations for weeks - it is his favorite part of the holiday. And by 9 p.m. on "Halloween Eve," there wasn't a single bloody limb or spider web to be found adorning our house.

That is why instead of a "22 Things I Have Done" post, I prioritzed a 23rd thing, spending an hour with my son decorating for Halloween. Some photos:

Make no bones about it ... this is important!

Getting a leg up on things.

Halloween Decoration Deluxe Fastener System

(Desperate times call for desperate measures)

"Spider Web"

Hangin' Around Hoping for a Good Time

"Enlighten Me"

The Door Cover

The Real Thing

I wonder if he'll agree to stay put until tomorrow.

It wasn't the super-deluxe production Wayne would like to do. When I asked him what his fantasy Halloween decoration scheme would be, the answer involved "everything," "strobe lights," "fog," and "Zombie Babies" to name a few. It probably involves a much earlier start than October 30.

An essay I had just read was in the front of my mind as we spun out spider web, goaded "skeleton" pieces into the ground, and hung severed "body parts." The essay, entitled "Costume Change," was written by Katrina Kenison and published in the October 2011 issue of Good Housekeeping Magazine. In the essay, she talked about her and her younger son's tradition of trying on Halloween masks together every year. In the essay, she reminisces about a recent trip to WalMart with the now-teenager Jack. The trip was ostensibly for dorm supplies, but Katrina and Jack found themselves on the mask aisle, lost for the briefest of moments in the pleasure of revisiting a tradition that felt like coming "home." Katrina said, in the essay, "our detour down the mask aisle brought back lots of good memories for us both. I realize that what I remember most clearly now is not all the actual Halloween nights of his childhood, but rather our annual trips together in search of the perfect mask.......How much fun we had together when I ... slowed down to his pace and took the time to play and ponder."

I can talk to you all about the other 22 things later. They can wait. Tonight I had a 23rd item on the list and I don't want to be haunted by knowing I had left it undone.

Dots, Stripes, and (Occasionally) Febreze - Welcome to My World (A Mama Kat Writing Prompt)

2011-10-26T23:58:00.003-04:00

This week, random.org handed me Mama Kat prompt number two: Write about the last item you looked for. Why did you need it? I am tempted to write about prompt number one, A List of 22 Things You Have Done because it would be an interesting counterpoint to last Sunday's list of 22 Things I Haven't Done. Maybe I'll do that this coming Sunday.

For tonight we have something much more mundane. I suppose it is the ubiquitous "missing sock's" business-dress cousin, the unmatched knee hi.

Take today, for example:

(I hate the way the stripes don't match each other. A decent day, however since it was not dots and stripes.)

Matching knee-his may not be the last thing I have looked for, but this issue has existed for quite some time now. It got much worse in August 2010, right after high school started for my daughter. My husband was going to be the designated super-early-to-leave the house guy (6:55), leaving me the more leisurely 8:30 departure (which correlated with my son's middle school start time). Well, three days into the school year he lost his job and I become the early-morning girl. This meant a rapid lowering of my standards about wrinkledness of clothes and other criteria for getting out of the house dressed for work.

And, as God is my witness the knee-hi situation is going to do me in! Way back in September, 2009, my friend Fred Davenport dared me to blog about my sock drawer, which has been meticulously well organized ever since (thanks Fred!). Still, almost every morning I look in there hoping to find a matching pair of knee his that have been washed and paired. They're never there, perhaps because of the laundry processing breakdown in the family. (I'll spare you the picture of laundry mountain - it is embarrassing!).

If I had the amount of money I have spent on "last minute" runs into Walgreens, I could probably buy a Kindle. Yes, blogland, I am sheepishly admitting that I have sprayed Febreze onto knee his to try to get through one more day in the work world (sometimes they matched, most times they didn't, but they sure weren't freshly laundered).

Sunday, when I had the opportunity to do one of my very favorite things on earth, a film shoot with an FSU Film project, I had to take a variety of clothes because the director wasn't sure what he wanted my character wearing. You'd think I would be über-prepared for something that means so much to me. I had taken mostly black/gray (and yes, the knee his matched - I'll avoid the topic of Febreze) clothing. But I took a few things in the brown family, and the only thing I could find hosiery related (despite having purchased quite a few "emergency" pairs at Walgreens over the year) was a pair of cream hose, the plan being that I would cut them off and make them into knee his if I had to. Cut them off? What is going on with me? (We stayed with black.)

(Fortunately the director, Nestor Bustamante, and I were more concerned with figuring out how to write messages in lipstick on glass than with my hosiery!)

Here's another example: a funky tan/cream pair balled up in a little bag I found in the car:

Where have my standards gone?

I think it's time to admit "defeet."

Sigh.

Wordless Wednesday (Monarchs on Milkweed Edition)

2011-10-25T22:39:00.000-04:00

This is Week Three of the Shades of Autumn Photo Challenge. This week's color is orange.

Thank you, monarch butterflies, for your impeccable timing - I appreciate you passing through Tallahassee just in time for orange week!

There is some really interesting information about the Monarch Butterfly Migration here. (For example, I learned that "not one single butterfly succeeds in a full migration due to their short life span. It generally takes three or four generations of Monarch butterflies to complete a full migration cycle.")

The Shades of Autumn Photo Challenge is hosted by Kristi of Live and Love Out Loud, Alicia of Project Alicia, and Rebecca of Bumbles and Light. The challenge welcomes photographers of all skill levels. Next week's theme is red! The linky for red week will be up starting on Friday, October 28.

22 Things I Haven't Done (A Mama Kat Writing Prompt)

2011-10-23T22:10:00.001-04:00

On Tuesday, when I was preparing to write this week's Mama Kat-inspired post, random.org handed me Mama Kat prompt number one: List 22 things you've never done. I loved this idea, but decided to postpone it until tonight because there is a time-sensitive issue with Carla's search for a sponsor (read why she is my "starfish" here). Carla's information goes back into the "general circulation" at http://www.hopeforafamily.org/ on Wednesday, October 26, so I wanted to get my post about her out.

Without further ado:

I am 46 years old and I've Never:

1. Gotten a response to my letters/emails to Tenley Albright, for whom my daughter is named.

2. Driven a stick shift car successfully.

3. Had a conversation in Spanish where I felt that the language was coming naturally to me.

4. Run a 5K in 29:59 or less.

5. Written my book about Camp Gordon Johnston.

6. Changed a flat tire.

7. Taken my mother-in-law on her fantasy trip to Rome.

8. Been to California.

9. Gotten my website (http://www.biggreenpen.com/) up and running, incorporating my blog (help!)

10. Gotten completely out of credit card debt.

11. Been to Staten Island or explored The High Line.

12. Surfed.

13. Kept my floors clean at home (ugh).

14. Figured out Tweetdeck, Hootsuite, or Seesmic.

15. Completed my profile on IMDB, where I am listed as a tour group member in Parental Ties.

16. Convinced my son to dress in clothes that match, are unwrinkled, and don't look like he just rolled out of bed in them.

17. Been a Stay at Home Mom.

18. Sung "Defying Gravity" on stage at Wicked (I know, I know - you have to be able to sing like Idina Menzel and all that but it's a great fantasy!).

19. Ventured beyond my point and shoot camera to digital SLR.

(but I still enjoy point and shoot)

20. Been able to play Blackjack without memorizing a Blackjack 101 strategy first.

21. Figured out how to really explain my faceblindness in a way that people understand why it affects some of the ways I interact, but don't perceive it as an excuse.

22. Been unfaithful to my spouse.

What are your 22?